tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37777413524520904092012-02-16T17:15:31.187-08:00Lizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17644425783938431565noreply@blogger.comBlogger21100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3777741352452090409.post-46409018802950605832009-10-26T16:49:00.000-07:002009-10-26T16:56:23.120-07:00I admit it. Im scared of my own father. <br />The panic sets around 4, when he's supposed to come home. But it grows with every minute that goes by that he has not returned. There's such a growing fear that he's out driking again. <br />But even when he is sober, he scares me. He is so stressed that I fear the slightest movement will set him off. Both of my parents really, so I try to be the good child, staying out of their way. Altough a handicap in this endevour is that I can't stand doing the dishes. Childish and stupid, yes. But I can't help it. Dishes have never ben a good thing with me, too noisy for my tastes. And they have an amazing ability to allow the thoughts I try so hard to push away to come flowing into my mind. And after June's ancident, it gives me a reason to literally fear them.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/3777741352452090409-4640901880295060583?l=kitsunetenchi.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Lizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17644425783938431565noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3777741352452090409.post-29349648219679524852009-09-08T19:43:00.000-07:002009-09-08T20:52:04.301-07:00Mkay, The only possible person reading this by now is Dan.<br />Dan, you can read this or not, I don't care.<br />But you have a lot of other things to deal with and I don't want my problems to add to the already heavy burden you bear.<br />But nowadays I just need a place to be whiny.<br />It seems suddenly like I've had to deal with so much more adult stuff the moment I entered sophomore year.<br />Crap I could honestly live without. <br />Drugs. Drinking. Smoking. <br />But I'll try to deal. <br />It's weird I constantly look for some form of escape. <br />I'd be hiding in my closet right now I only someone wouldn't be coming to find me soon to alert me of dinner. <br />I wish I had a car. Technically I do, but she doesn't exactly run, and I don't exactly know how to drive. But I keep making plans to go places once I do have a license.<br />Besides the closet, a car is my only night time escape. <br />If I need to escape during the day, I've taken to walking Felix.<br /><br />I guess I started this rant because I needed to get out my thoughts. The discussion was made as I listened to my parents fight. Over the backyard.<br />I know it isn't big but it still scares me. And there's nothing I can do.<br />And I can put on a smile and try to talk to my dad but I still don't feel comfortable around him. Because I know once I do begin to trust him, he pulls some idiot move that shatters my trust.<br />And I'm not sure how much more of that I can take before the pieces can no longer be put back together. <br />I've always had to tolerate my father. I know he was working, but he still wasn't around during most of my child hood. It's almost like Dan has more of a right to be my 'dad' Than Walt does. <br />And of course Will. I always feel like a terrible person if I get upset at him. But I can't help it. It's literally driving me insane and into the closet. <br />I wonder if such an intolerance to noise is normal?<br />Mum's vacuuming and it's pulling at the fibers of my sanity. <br />But of course Sanity is relevant, isn't it?<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/3777741352452090409-2934964821967952485?l=kitsunetenchi.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Lizhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17644425783938431565noreply@blogger.com0